Whaz up !

I have not posted anything on my blog for several weeks in a row. It is not because I got a job meanwhile, I wish I had, but our pup got sick quite severely. She developed this epileptic seizures all of a sudden and got worse with other health problems. We tried to take care of her more than a month but of no avail. Long story short, we handed her to the shelter where vets are taking care of her. I know it sounds brutal but we did everything we could for her and leaving her there was not an easy thing to do, especially for my wife who had a very difficult time readjusting our puppyless house for weeks.

Having a very sick dog and leaving that dog for good at the shelter is quite a traumatic experience indeed. One of our family friends insisted on finding a pup for us but we declined. We decided to get rest for a while and make a move later.

Now, I guess we are making plans to look for a new pup. This time we are equipping ourselves as much information on picking a pup as possible. The vets we met along the way during our pup's illness are offering help to pick a healthier pup this time. Last time when we went to the shelter they literally handed this dog in such a hurry that we did not even enough time to consider whether we should have that one or the other. This time we are taking our time to make a little bit educated move.

Jobwise there is nothing happening. I made another application for a position for which I am very positive that I am gonna get. However, so far nobody called me. I am afraid that the position might already be taken.

The puppy days

Last night I finally lost my cool and hit my puppy.

She has this nipping habit developed lately driving us crazy. We have been constantly reading articles on the net but surely everything we read so far do nothing but confused us more. It looks like there are lots of contradictory information flying up in the air.

Finally, the puppy hit our nerves last night. I felt terrible after hitting her. I thought that her time is coming to go back to where we picked up her, the pound. During that madness, I seriously thought of taking her back. This morning, however, I read more articles on the net and found a consensus on how to train your dog; do not punish her. Well, it is really hard not to when you live in an apartment flat and are concerned about your neighbors need of a quiet night.

Right after I hit her, I found myself thinking how my being a short-tempered person resembles my father's attitude. That thinking made me feel even worse.

I better shape up and calm down. She is just a puppy exploring her world. I really don't want to be one of her plenty of problems, adjusting to a new home, new things, new people around her.

I am gonna try to behave much more kindly toward her. I am gonna be more patient and understanding. That's gonna be easier and painless.

I am glad that we had not made a baby. I have too many things to learn from having a puppy first. I truly don't want to end up like my father; unnecessarily rough on people consequently left alone in his own shitty life.

No news is good news

Well, I have been sending out my resume to several companies that announce vacancies fitting my background. However, none of them are returning back to me. My friends says that I gotta know key people at key positions. I don't know such people unfortunately.

The good news is we got a puppy from a pound. She was sick for a week or so but now she is back again. She is busy with chewing, peeing, pooping and of course crying out lout. Now, she is sitting next to me playing with her toys. She just woke up. That means she has tons of energy. She is a natural anti-depressan. Since her arrival, I sleep better and feel more positive.

Hope things turn around soon. I really need a job, a decent one.

Cold day

Yes it is really cold outside. Despite that, I went out and took a walk. This time I listened to This American Life's My Brilliant Plan podcast. It was pretty interesting.

Taking a 45-minute long walks truly help me to have a positive mood. Podcasts are also good remedy for boredom and self pity situations.

Job wise, I have been following couple of leads. No words on them yet but I am still keeping my spirit up, not all the time though.

I just finished reading an article in The New Yorker magazine on bratz and barbie dolls. What a tough toy market it is to be in. I can't believe the way Barbie is being marketed to young girls; showing that all the girls are shopping addicted brainless kinda creatures.

As a matter of fact that depiction is true, isn't it?

Well, who am I to judge those youngsters. :) Let them do whatever they like to do. It is a generation thing and every generation has its own quirks.

Other than that I am bored quite badly today once more. When the evening time settles, I feel worse. In the nights, I am ok again. Mornings are not bad actually, since I feel like a new, unexpected thing may happen. However, in the evenings I do realize that I am not gonna hear a god damn good news on that day, and this cycle goes on and on forever.

Family ties...my ass

Thanks to the enormous amount of time I have in my hand lately, I do nothing but think. Think about my past, think about me, think about the future, which is the scariest one of course.

Here is the overall picture of me; first of all, I have no family whatsoever. The only close person in my life is my wife, for that I am so grateful. Other than that, it is complete blank. It is really taken its tall on me because it was not like that before. I had a important role in my family, I was someone loved, called and missed. Now I am left alone.

Ye I get e-mails or occasional phone calls from my folks, however it is like a duty, not carries any slightest of intimacy. Conversations on the phones turned out to be exchanging reports about our lives. There is not any trace of feelings or bounds in our voices. That's really strange. My in-laws are way closer to me than my own family, or whatever is left from it.

I personally chose not to talk to my father anymore. After four marriages and 3 half brothers and sisters, I simply got tired and quit following him around with his new families. However, I did not choose to weaken my relations with the rest of my family. When I was out of the country, I called them more than they called me. But, when I came back, I got this cold welcome. The first night we came together after four straight years later, the main topic at the table was recent news. I was shocked. The second day it was worse. They simply ignored me and my wife. A couple times they asked us what we did abroad, but mostly they talked about themselves and among themselves. Not one decent conversation on what we did, how was it to live four years abroad. That sucks terribly. It states clearly how important you are in the family. Well, it is normal when you get together with self-observed people, and that's my leftover family.

When I confronted them, of course I became the bad guy, the one complains all the time. However, I had a real difficult time understanding them why they were behaving the way they did. Anyway, now I officially lost my membership to my own family. I have to get used to it asap.

It is really strange. It is like all the people who loved you deeply just evaporated.

Well, fuck that. I have a life of my own, I am gonna enjoy it.