Jan 1, 2008

New Year

I had an unexpectedly good time at the new year party that we threw. We invited my sister-in-law and my wife's cousin. In the beginning, party started with a low note then it got to the point where we did not understand how the time passed. Our guests stayed at our place which I was quite happy to have them. Anyhow, the party was a great start for 2008. My wife and I were very tired by getting ready for our guests, but at the end our efforts paid off. 

I like having people over. Before, I preferred to be left alone, now I like being surrounded by people. I have to do this more often.  

You know what, loving yourself is the best medicine that can cure anything. Being content with who you are and whatever you have is undoubtedly the best thing that can happen to anybody. Even accepting your shortcomings is a gift as well. I read an article on viruses that we inherited and carried within our genes over millions of years that once were deadly but now are long gone. Those viruses were once powerful enough to kill us, yet human organism managed to find a way to defend itself from that virus and encapsulate them in our genes for eternity. The article in The New Yorker was quite fascinating for me due to the fact that a disease can make you stronger like knowing your shortcomings and knowing to live with them as they are. On top of that, knowing and remembering where you are heading to in life is invaluable too. 

For all the things happening and happened to me, I am grateful. Without them, I don't think I could have been wise enough to ended up with someone like my wife. 

So, my heart goes to the mistakes I made along the way that made me stronger and pushed me toward the right path. Like the viruses still embedded into our DNAs, I am made out of mistakes that once did make me sorry, yet turned me into the person I am today.      

Anyway, if there is any, I would like to wish the reader of this page a happy, healthy 2008.  

Dec 30, 2007

Yet nothing changes

Well, not is very clear to me that I am not good at acquiring new friends and maintaining the old ones. I am sick and tired of trying and trying yet the result is always the same; I am an outcast. I truly do not know the magical balance of having friends, let alone close friends.

Yesterday was really depressing for me. I was literally ditched by my work "friends" and learned that my aunt preferred my in-laws in order to get in touch with her son doing his compulsory military duty where I live. Two incidents in one day was too much for me. I felt pushed aside again. Despite her own struggles at work, my wife is kind enough to listened my never-ending talk. Anyway, although now that I have a job and although that I am surrounded by lots of people at work I somehow managed to feel isolated. Despite my attempts to connect with them, I am failing again, that is for sure.

Last night I could not sleep well again, thinking many times the situation I am in. Whatever I do I cannot mend the damaged relationship with my family. Once did I have lots of friends, now I feel like a loser. While these saddening things happening to me, I am also losing my grip from myself too. If I search hard enough, I can find a spot in me that I deeply like and want to connect with it more. However, since I spend most of my time contemplating how to connect with others, I tend to forget to do same thing for myself.

My wife says the truth again, I have to learn how to deal with it and get along with myself. It is true that my family shrunk considerably and I have some problems with making new friends. Being sorry and angry all the time do not fix anything. I need myself more than anything. It seems like while this incidents crush my heart, there is something promising shaping slowly in me. The problem is I forget easily what I discovered. I forget my promises and the roads I mapped out for myself. I need to learn to be more stable.

As always, I need to be more proactive instead persistently of being stuck to this mood. I need myself to do that.

Jun 5, 2007

I wonder...

...whether having a job will be bale to change my social life. I have been feeling shunned from any kind of social circles for a long long time. I know that, just having a job does not create miracles all of a sudden.

As a matter of fact, I am alone since the day I graduated from the collage. before that I had tons of friends and very busy social life. Something happened afterwards I cannot quite put my finger on it though. Now, I am sure my grandmother's phone rings way more frequently than mine. I know I am the only one to blame. But what happened to me that makes me so recluse.

Is it because of the depression I have been in for a long time which makes me to push others away. Wait a minute. I was not that much of an outcast when I was in the states. I had tons of friends. It is quite natural to feel secluded when you sit at home all the time. For a long time, there haven't been anything going on in my life. So, I am hoping that this job will spur things up and give me more room to breath.

I hope so...


Yes yes, I changed the title of my blog due to the long-waited/hoped/wished-for reason: I AM EMPLOYED !!!!!!!!

After three-week long interviews, yesterday evening I got a call from the organization I applied to and heard the good news: YOU ARE HIRED.....I am so relieved by the news. Now, I have to focus on the job and get ready to be in the work environment again, after almost a year long break.

My wife has been a huge support for me during the lows and highs of my job hunt journey. Having a partner like her is the best thing ever happened to me. All I want now is to pamper her, shower her with gifts...She deserves the best of everything.

I am also lucky to have this job which offers great benefits and huge opportunity to improve myself on top of my graduate degree. The most delicious part is that the weekends are off, can you believe that??? I know it may sound weird thing to be happy for, but it is so important to have your weekends to yourself.

From now on, I am gonna write mostly on my job; on people I work with, on projects I work on, on trips I may or may not take....I am so lucky to have this great privilege to work for them -- I am gonna keep the names of persons and places undisclosed in order to be able to continue writing. I don't want to expose myself, that would be foolish. This is much more fun...

Thus, I can complain about my job relentlessly here :)))

May 27, 2007

Unemployeds...Let's hear from you

I really need to hear from other unemployeds around the world.

How do you deal with unemployment?

What are your means to cope with the boredom, mounting stress, self-depriciation, and social isolation?

I do need to hear from you in order to find better ways to tackle this issue.

Please e-mail me or leave a comment to reach me...