Nov 29, 2006

Boredom

I am very bored today. I am getting so lazy that even simple deeds look troubling right now. I am focusing to much on not to get bored that I am running out of options. I am just sitting, nothing else.

It is kinda foggy outside. I don not want to go out. I have been walking around this neighborhood so much that it is engraved into my mind. No more pleasant surprises anymore.

I do not know how to keep myself busy. I gotta calm down; it may help a little.

ok ok I have to keep my morale high.

Nov 27, 2006

Last Saturday

I received an e-mail last Saturday informing me that I did not get the job that I applied a couple of weeks ago and wholeheartedly made myself believe that I got it. I was infuriated. Conversely, it was a beautiful Saturday in the middle of November. The news ruined half of the day for which we made plans to enjoy the weekend.

I was cursing under my breath to the human resources agency for giving the bad news right before the weekend. It should have been given on Mondays. You don't give bad news on Fridays, it can wait until Monday or any other weekday. Let people enjoy the weekend God damn it. What kind of a human resources agency is it for God's sake?

Anyway, we canceled our planned Saturday, and went to a cafe to discuss the issue . My wife lifted up my spirit by being objective to the subject rather than approaching the situation emotionally. We decided to make smart moves and not to lose our hopes and focus to the bright future.

I was ok when Sunday arrived. We walked together with my wife and I have to say this; it was a very long walk. I started my Monday with a very positive mood and applied to two different positions. At least I dragged my ass to did that.

Other than that nothing is happening here. I listen to podcasts as Morning Stories happen to be my favorite one. I also watch lots of documentaries on BBC Prime. Well, I am hanging there.

Nov 23, 2006

New Yorker

Today I took a walk again after finishing up a few chores. I went out to buy the new yorker magazine. I really like that one. Plus I bought Newsweek. They will keep me occupied for a while.

I listened to Morning Stories on my way back home. I love those guys. Truly inspiring stories.

Weather is very good here. Today it feels like spring.

I saw a dog. I guess it belong to the couple I saw couple of meters back. He was just waiting them to finish their conversation with the other two passer-bys who were inquiring a store somewhere near where we all were. The dog looked at me as if he wanted to have a word with me. He did not move at all. He just stared and turned his attention back to his owners. He looked like he was growing inpatient. If I had waited a little longer, I swear to God I would have heard the dog yelling at them "Move your assess for God's sake, I am bored to death !!!"

Other than that I don't have any new news. Life is good so far.

Nov 21, 2006

Skipping

I skipped a day. Before I started this blog, I promised myself that I was going to post everyday. Anyway, no need to put an extra pressure on me. Right?

Nothing new is going on around here. I was out yesterday; found a way to keep myself busy.

We spent the money I was sparing for the fitness center. We spent it on a kitchen table. I am not that broke and kinda counting all the pennies lately. Instead of the fitness center, I can go out and walk.

Today, I feel ok. I just feel a little lazy. Other than that I am ok.

Life is short and full of pleasant and unpleasant surprises. I really do not make my life intentionally unpleasant. I am doing everything I can to make my life as pleasant as it gets. No matter what, there are more desperate conditions in which people are struggling to live in. Mine is minor compared to theirs.

Not much today from my side.

Nov 19, 2006

After the Weekend

I had a fabulous weekend. The weather was good to us. We went out, walked and enjoyed those two beautiful days.

I have not heard any "good news" from my prospective employers. As usual, on Mondays I don't particularly feel down. Let see what happens when Wednesday and Thursday arrive.

I guess I am gonna get a membership from a fitness center located in walking distance from where I live. I figured good physical condition may help boost my morale. I am very close to be a coach potato. To be a member, I gotta force myself to drag my ass there and get a membership. No, no I should not think about the process, otherwise I might get lazy and drop the idea once and for all.

Ok, I will stand up and find my gym bag and off I go.

----

It is getting dark here, closer to evening hours. There is something appealing during these evening hours. Specially during the winter, I like dark and gloomy weathers. I know it is not something on which everybody is agree, but I like it. When that time of the day arrives, I feel relaxed, more creative and happier for some reason. Well, isn't it a vampire-like life huh?

I am optimistic today. I took a walk, listened podcasts and read online newspaper. I did not overate today, that is a success 'cause sometimes I indulge myself by eating too much.

Still no words from my applications and there is no opening fitting my background. Life is good anyway.

Nov 17, 2006

Feeling sick

There you go. I feel sick today. My wife was weak last night due to tiredness I guess. Now I am dizzy and weak myself today. I slept all day long despite the medicine I took. I don't think they work.

It is typical me. Since the high school years, whenever I get stressed, I have these flu like symptoms. This is happening because I am so out of morale. I am paralyzing myself mostly unintentionally. Now, the only social interaction with the world is my wife. Not good for the soul huh?

I am happy that I helped my wife to get on her feet. She is better today. However, I really don't want to pull her down with my low morale. I am trying my best but cannot come up with a good solution for my own future.

She does not like her job. Every morning is a minor torture for her. She does not want to go to her office. We talked about setting up our own business this morning. We have ideas but I don't think we have the courage to move forward. I gotta talk to her tonight regarding any business enterprise opportunities.

Anyway, despite all these bothering improvements, weekend is here. I am gonna be alright starting from tonight as soon as my wife crosses the threshold of our door.

Nov 15, 2006

Thursday

Not bad today. I don't feel particularly down or up. I can say that my mood is "moderate" today.

It is sunny today. I will take a walk with my iPod; listening podcasts from WGBH's Morning Stories. They have truly uplifting stories. I like the way they deliver the stories. Before, I was listening Slate Magazine's podcasts. As a matter of fact, I started to dislike that monotone delivery albeit the fact that topics are/were very interesting. In the morning stories, you get to know variety of individuals' stories around the world. it is a great boost for my stalking soul.

Yesterday, my mother-in-law came over. Actually we invited her over 'cause she helped us to pick up few packages from the post office. Since we don't have a car, she was happy to help us; in so, she can spend some time with us. Anyway, she was with us last night. It was ok, but I still don't understand her when she keeps mentioning her dream relationship; we should spend more time together. Whenever we come together, she says the same thing over and over again. So, I ask myself, what is the point of getting together? Every time we see each other, it is not enough for her. She needs more and more. As a result, we spend our time whining about the future gatherings. That's kinda waste of time.

Weekend is approaching. My wife will be home all two uninterrupted days. that's great !!! I am trying to be constructive and hundred percent positive during the weekends. Otherwise, I miss the opportunity of being with her.

Nov 14, 2006

Cheer up

Well, today I woke up with a positive attitude. No no I did not get any good news regarding my applications. Just have a very good night sleep, thanks to my wife; long talks, good food and very good sex, of course I feel better today. :))

I have to go out. That's for sure. If I stay at home waiting my phone to ring, I feel like I am gonna lose my mind. Yesterday I made that mistake. Today, I am trowing myself out, no matter what.

I really enjoy listening podcasts. They keep me alive and connected to the world. I have a very limited interaction with the people lately. My social life is on the downhill. I have to admit though that I am not good at social interactions. I have this brutal habit of confronting people; damn me I cannot keep my mouth shut. I am sure that I bother the hell out of them a lot so they stop seeing me eventually. I cannot blame them. However, I cannot stand that fake, pretentious behaviors, so I confront.

I am a little bit dizzy today. I hope vitamins do the trick.

Waiting

I have been waiting to hear from the job applications I made. These days are really stressful days and hours for me. I started to feel depreciated. Actually, I am doing it to myself, as anyone can guess.

It is really hard to keep myself busy lately. To keep my mind occupied, I invent all sorts of errands and chores. When they are finished, I redo some of them to prolong the time-killing activity. Sometimes, I tire myself so much that I get exhausted.

I read books, magazines, take walks, go to shopping, to movies and everything but I cannot keep my mind away from the fact that I am jobless and there are no prospects on the horizon at all. I was so confident a couple of months ago that I would find a position in a matter of weeks, now, after months passed, I started to lose my confidence and got worried about this situation.

I decided to keep a diary of my jobless days in order not to lose my mind and self esteem. Otherwise, it is so lonely and self-damaging.

Today's one job-search related news would be a bad one. I received an e-mail informing me that someone else had been chosen for the position. As corny as it may sound, of course I thought that I was over qualified which makes me feel better rather than being considered to be under qualified piece of junk.