I really need to hear from other unemployeds around the world.
How do you deal with unemployment?
What are your means to cope with the boredom, mounting stress, self-depriciation, and social isolation?
I do need to hear from you in order to find better ways to tackle this issue.
Please e-mail me or leave a comment to reach me...
Last Saturday, we took the dog back to the shelter for good. Don't worry, here where I live, they do no perform euthanasia on dogs, never ever.
My wife and I have never had a pet, let along a dog. Although she was way more patient with the dog than me, I was losing my ground. I was stressful, and, worse of all, angry at the dog at all times. I could not take it anymore.
After leaving the dog at the pound, I was relieved tremendously. However, my wife cried all weekend. The good thing is we talked before we made the excruciating move. She understands my point of view though and I understand hers.
There are some facts that make it harder to have a dog that I realized later and then convinced my wife. First of all, the dog has a really bad shedding problem. It is beyond belief which forced us to clean up the entire house every weekend. After 5 mins later, the house is a mess again. It was relentless. Second, the dog had this biting and jumping habit for which we tried to train her with the guidance of the books we purchased to solve simple training problems. Obviously, all the time we spent training her did not work a bit.
Another problem was and is that the vets working at the shelter are so used to telling "white lies" to prospective dog adopters that it is impossible to get accurate info regarding the dog. They are afraid to tell the truth fearing that we might return the dog. However, by doing that they put enormous pressure on us, so when we reach our boiling point, it is too late to turn things around. For the shedding problem, all my questions were dismissed. As if it were a miniscule problem, there was no way to convince them that the problem causes a real trouble for us. On top of that, the vets have no idea what kind of dog they are giving away. As a result, they don't have anything to warn the adopters about the dog, like shedding, behavior that sort of things.
I am not blaming anyone for my deed. But, I can tell you this for sure that I won't be adopting a dog from shelters anymore. There is this sticky emotion attached to the dog. Whenever you have a problem with the dog, talking about the problem becomes a tabu or asking for more info replied with this stonewalled attitude as if it were a shame to ask such questions.
Yesterday was a day sent from the hell.
I woke up with en uneasy mood. Went out to a short walk with my wife who stayed longer at home in order to calm me down. After the walk, we took a short nap. That far it was going fine. Then she left for work. I stayed at home. I checked my e-mails. there was nothing worth reading; all junk. Then I started to fell tense again. It got worse around 2 PM when I felt hopeless and desperate. To get rid of the sticky feeling, I began to clean up the house and took a shower afterwards which seemed to work. Then I prepared a hearty lunch.
Then I received a text message saying that one of our family member, who was 94 years old and had been sick for a while, passed away. The feeling of desperation came back with full blast. I felt very sorry and sad all of a sudden. To avert my thoughts, I trained the pup and played with her a bit. She was ok. I took her to the pee spot several times knowing that she had to go. She did not. After a while, I got tired and tied her leash and stayed with her watching TV. A minute later, she was peeing right on the rug while looking straight at me. I calmly said NO and raised up from the couch which scared her and made her run while peeing all around, drawing circles on the leash. She peed all over the living room. Sadly, I lost it again. I beat her up quite badly.
It is evident that yesterday was not a pretty day for me.
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I feel like I am lacking way behind of people with whom I was friend in high school and in collage years who were now doing way better than me. I promised myself million times not to compare myself with others, but to no avail. Even the guys who were goofy years back now are the money makers of their home. I, on the other hand, sit all day long and figure out how not to lose my mind out of boredom and self-pitty. I feel worthless when I see that others have every reason to be proud of themselves.
I had a friend in the high school who was very shy, specially around girls, and goofy since he was not that smart at all. We, along with another buddy of us, prepared the university entrance exam. He could not make it for the first year. Anyway, years passed. With the help of his father he landed a good job. Then he changed. He changed so much that he did even invite me to his wedding. The way I learned that he got married was like a movie scene. I called him one day, and his mom picked up and told me that he got married and living at such and such address. I was shocked.
Well, like that, I lost most of my friends. I literally ran out of friends. Mostly because they did good things while I was whining about how my life sucks terribly. It still sucks.
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I hope I can turn things around soon. I don't like what I am becoming. I want to breath, want to take a long, fresh, sweet breath. I want to smile more often and crack jokes. I want to be able to live my own life, to be proud of myself.
I am still waiting for the NGO to decide on my application. Last week, they called to invite me to interviews. This week, I am waiting. Everyday I get a little down thinking that they won't call me again. Although, they told me that I would be called till this weekend, I am not keeping my expectations that high; you know in case.
To cheer myself up, I rented a DVD again, Team America this time. I had a good time watching it. Sadly, it is over, and I have to get back to the reality, which sucks terribly.
I cannot concentrate on anything nowadays. I tried to read articles in The New Yorker, but could not bring myself fully to finish whatever I am reading. I guess, I am focused, too much, on to the outcome of my job application. This waiting is killing me right now.
Other than that there is nothing worth mentioning. I exercise daily, listen to podcasts, and read as much as I can. Around 4 P.M. I settle in front of TV and watch it for an hour or so to kill time. Then my wife comes. We talk and go out for a walk. Come back, cook something and watch TV again before we go to bed.
Hope you guys are doing way better than me.
After my trouble with the dog, I had a long talk with my wife. We discovered that I did not feel anything at all toward the dog while my wife can surely says that she loves the dog.
I realized that I am not letting my emotions go as far as anyone or anything is concerned rather than my wife. After the long talk, I decided to give it a try; try means "loving my pet".
So far it is working. I have been so turned inward that I am not letting anything slip in; no emotions, not even people. I gotta let go so as to be happy regardless of the conditions.
Speaking of conditions reminded me a friend of my wife who has been unemployed since the day she got married 8 months ago. By nature, she is depressed all the time. Now she is married but it does not do the trick, cause this time she has the problem of not being employed by any company. Every time we come together with them, I reassure myself that I really do not want to be like her. Although she is kinda right to feel depressed, she is not making any effort to make herself a little comfortable. I am almost sure that she will feel down even she finds a decent job.
Thank God I am not that depressed, so far at least.
I had a very busy week. I prepared for an interview took two days in a row. I did good at the first one so I was called in for the second one. In the second one, I had to take a written test, in English which is not my native language. I thought I did well, although I made one funny spelling mistake - I do need a spell checker at all times !!! - and forgot to add something into the text. Anyway, it went well regardless of my silly mistakes, which cost two-nights' sleeps but my wife tries assure me that it is gonna be ok. The office environment is nice since everybody speaks in English. I hope I get that job, that would make me very happy.
