Bored

I am very much bored today. I took my daily walk earlier than usual so I have too much time in my hand to kill. Now, I am listening This American Life podcast and writing at the same time.

It looks like it is going to rain tomorrow that means I have to cancel my walk for tomorrow. Well, winter is coming so I better find some other activities out site of home.

I find myself smart and dumb at the same time. Smart due to the taste I have and things I have interest toward them. Dumb 'cause I cannot even find a decent job. I look around and see people and consider them way smarter than me and than they really are. Then I see them doing very stupid things with very cheap taste. I know I am judging people quite harshly. I should not be doing that. But, considering the circumstances I live in now, it really bothers me. Seeing others doing quite well, and knowing that I am not flourishing just waiting for something to happen is just a soul crushing experience.

I feel like I am kicked out from a game since I do not know the rules or not a good player. When I look at the other players, they seem normal people. However I think them as extraordinary people with unnatural talents which made them tellers in the banks, or government employees or all sorts of professions. But me, no no no, I am not in the game.

I can hear the clock ticking on the wall. That's horrible.