Family ties...my ass

Thanks to the enormous amount of time I have in my hand lately, I do nothing but think. Think about my past, think about me, think about the future, which is the scariest one of course.

Here is the overall picture of me; first of all, I have no family whatsoever. The only close person in my life is my wife, for that I am so grateful. Other than that, it is complete blank. It is really taken its tall on me because it was not like that before. I had a important role in my family, I was someone loved, called and missed. Now I am left alone.

Ye I get e-mails or occasional phone calls from my folks, however it is like a duty, not carries any slightest of intimacy. Conversations on the phones turned out to be exchanging reports about our lives. There is not any trace of feelings or bounds in our voices. That's really strange. My in-laws are way closer to me than my own family, or whatever is left from it.

I personally chose not to talk to my father anymore. After four marriages and 3 half brothers and sisters, I simply got tired and quit following him around with his new families. However, I did not choose to weaken my relations with the rest of my family. When I was out of the country, I called them more than they called me. But, when I came back, I got this cold welcome. The first night we came together after four straight years later, the main topic at the table was recent news. I was shocked. The second day it was worse. They simply ignored me and my wife. A couple times they asked us what we did abroad, but mostly they talked about themselves and among themselves. Not one decent conversation on what we did, how was it to live four years abroad. That sucks terribly. It states clearly how important you are in the family. Well, it is normal when you get together with self-observed people, and that's my leftover family.

When I confronted them, of course I became the bad guy, the one complains all the time. However, I had a real difficult time understanding them why they were behaving the way they did. Anyway, now I officially lost my membership to my own family. I have to get used to it asap.

It is really strange. It is like all the people who loved you deeply just evaporated.

Well, fuck that. I have a life of my own, I am gonna enjoy it.